Vol. 96: A New Era

On October 20, I was laid off from the job I’d had for 8 years. 

I’ve missed writing, missed this space, but am still processing what was a deeply painful experience.

I’d never experienced a layoff and had no idea how unmoored I’d feel. I’m reminded of when my Grandma died and I called my best friend who lost her dad when we were in high school to apologize for how poorly I grasped what she was experiencing. While I don’t equate losing my job with losing loved ones, I’m experiencing a form of grief: a loss of stability and - humbling as it is to admit - a grappling with how I may have, despite my best efforts, formed an identity around a job. I reached out to friends who have been through layoffs before to say, “How did you get through this?”

At the same time I’m grieving and terrified to be underemployed* in this political and economic environment, I’m galvanized: I was at my job for eight years. I’m hurt how it ended. I knew it was long time for something new. My support system has been showing out, and each word or act of kindness buoys me through. I have the best wife in the world, a hot Capricorn who saves diligently and knew from the moment Trump was elected that my job may someday be affected. There’s more to come for me - for all of us, if you, too, are going through a layoff.

*I’m teaching yoga, friends - come through!

Here is some music that has been getting me through:

• Olivia Dean’s album The Art of Loving and discussing it constantly with my girls who also love it. I’m sure you’ve listened to it by now, a beautiful, 34 minute album that she wrote based on inspiration from bell hooks’ All About Love, but maybe you’re one of those people that sees something everywhere and is skeptical. I love the whole project, but the song Baby Steps - “right, left, baby steps” has become an anthem for this time of slow, steady progression, of one foot in front of the other.

• Hayley Williams’ album Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party is also a perfect listen, though admittedly very different from Olivia Dean. From Ice in My OJ - “All those dumb (redacted) that I made rich” to Good Ol’ Days - “Who knew the hard times were the good old days?” These songs are everything to me. Having grown up with a brilliant artist like Hayley Williams, the album represents a merging of my angsty, teenage self with the simultaneous joy and despair of this moment in time.

• Jack’s Mannequin: Longtime readers are not surprised, as I’ve written many times before about Andrew McMahon and what his various music projects mean to me. Back in January when tickets went on sale for the 20th anniversary Jack’s Mannequin reunion tour, I called Maggie and said “They’re playing in Detroit on 11/11 - we’re going.” I couldn’t anticipate everything we’d be holding in that moment. The Everything in Transit 20th Anniversary Edition: Strings Attached EP makes me feel like my life is a movie. And hearing him perform songs with my best friend that I’d never heard live before - like Spinning, or Cell Phone (“I have become increasingly overwhelmed but not discouraged”) brought lyrics forth that served as a mantra in my teen years and still roll off the tongue a decade plus later.

I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving however you celebrated. If you’re reading this, it means it broke through the millions of Black Friday sales emails and for that, I’m grateful. I’m looking forward to what I’ll be bringing to this space in this new chapter  - there will be more very soon.