Vol. 75: On new music and the fear of change

Author

Allison Punch
October 24, 2023

On Sunday, October 15, I went to Kiana Ledé's final show for her Grudges tour at the Fillmore Silver Spring. I’d had a long weekend but the concert was much anticipated.

I’d never heard of Kiana Ledé when my now-wife and I saw her as the opener at Ella Mai’s tour stop in Baltimore for our fourth dating anniversary in March 2019. Ledé opened for the then-unknown (to me!) Lucky Daye, and Lucky Daye opened for Ella Mai (how they got all the artists names to rhyme, I’ll never know – but I loved it). So often, I feel badly for openers when the crowd couldn’t care less and talks through their performance. But Kiana had so many die-hard fans in the crowd who sang every word to every song – the crowd forced me to stop, listen, dance. I was instantly a Kiana Ledé fan and we played her EP Selfless constantly over the next year.

In 2020 when we were all under lockdown, Ledé released her first full-length album, Kiki. It took me a second to get into it; initially, it was too different from the EP for my taste - slower and more contemplative. I missed the upbeat songs from Selfless. I find it frequently takes me a while to get into new music for many of my favorite artists - sometimes I put off listening to it for years or more. I don’t know exactly why; I have a hard time with change? I love what I love really hard? I get stuck in my ways? After seeing her live performance of "Plenty More" on an Amazon Music lockdown Christmas special (here is a bootleg YouTube - you didn't get it from me), I was fully onboard the Kiki train and listened to it nonstop.

This was my third time seeing an artist in concert touring for the first time after putting our two projects since we went under lockdown at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. The first was Kehlani, who I saw in August 2022. I also saw Victoria Monet (more rhyming!) in September, who has put out both Jaguar and Jaguar II - I admittedly hadn’t listened to either Jaguar project much until earlier this year, so I’m going to focus on Kehlani. 

I’ve been a casual Kehlani fan since I first heard “The Way” in 2015. I don’t remember how I came across the song – maybe Spotify, maybe Pandora. When you’re a baby gay in a long-distance relationship with the woman who will eventually become your wife, hearing Kehlani’s voice sing, “What’s a love that doesn’t keep you up all night and all day?” or “You should be here, right here!” does things to you. It’s impossible for me to hear those songs and not picture my white floral bedspread in my teeny Vermont Ave row home bedroom, the Christmas lights draped along the walls, and my MacBook propped up waiting for a FaceTime from the girl I was puppy dog in love with.

I never claimed to be a concert photographer

Kehlani later came out thus proving gay invisible string theory and making me an even bigger fan. When It Was Good Until It Wasn’t came out, my friend Claire texted me about how good the album is despite us never having a prior conversation about Kehlani. I’ve previously joked that people just assume I’m a Kehlani fan and they are always right. Kehlani’s second studio album also turned my wife into a fan, something I’d never been able to achieve on my own.

I was so excited to see Kehlani perform for the first time and had been so deep in my listen of their latest project, blue water road, that I didn’t even realize she was touring both blue water road and IWGUIW. It was one of my favorite concerts ever, and in the middle of the concert it hit me that I was seeing one of my favorite artists of all time perform. The blue water road songs were good – I love "Altar"! The whole album was so emotional and healed, perfect for my first year of marriage – but the performances of "Water," and "Open (Passionate)" will stay with me forever.

Can we have a moment for how iconic Kehlani is? Dropping Tory Lanez from Can I after he shot Meg Thee Stallion. Speaking out for the human rights of Palestinians. Other NSFW things I’m going to avoid saying here because my family reads this newsletter (wink, wink!).

When Grudges was released, I bought my ticket to the concert and listened to the album. I love the song "Magic" but Kiki is still my favorite - "Movin'," "Feel A Way," and of course, "Plenty More." But it’s still early. I can’t tell if I don’t like it as much or if I just take my time with new music.

Maybe I’m assigning meaning to something that really isn’t that deep and the later projects truly aren’t as good as the OG. The jury is still out on Kiki vs. Grudges. The audience seemed to like Kiki more - but it also could have been my bias. I really believe I have a hard time with change.

Community Care

Music and concerts can be so healing, but it still feels icky to put out a newsletter on this without acknowledging the siege on Gaza. I often feel helpless screaming into the void on social media - but with an ongoing genocide and so much propaganda, it’s important that readers know where I stand.

As someone who studied international peace and conflict, I’ve long believed that Palestinians deserve a right to live peacefully on their land. The current State of Israel is conducting an ethnic cleansing against the Palestinian people; they need humanitarian aid and they also need immediate access to basic human rights that have been denied for decades. I am against Zionism, and I also want to be very clear that conflating all Zionists or all Jewish people with the state of Israel is antisemitic. I don't tolerate antisemitism and am constantly on my own journey here as well. I’ve always been inspired by Jewish friends and classmates I’ve known over the years who speak out in favor of the humanity of Palestinian people - often risking relationships with their families or communities, just I've been inspired by my Muslim and Arab friends speaking out tirelessly for Palestinians in the face of so much blatant Islamophobia and racism.