Vol. 63: Growing through the painful parts/2022 in review

Author

Allison Punch
January 03, 2023

It tracks that I was very consistent with the newsletter for three and a half months and then took an unannounced two week hiatus. But I’m back and sharing my 2022 year in review.

When I picture the first half of 2022, there are some highlights: going viral, spending a week by the ocean with family, and going to some amazing concerts, but for the most part it’s a lot of darkness and survival.

I was still grieving Grandma and adjusting to the hole in our family. I was reevaluating long standing friendships. I was struggling without a sense of community at work and working so much I didn’t have energy to tap into my community outside of my job. Instead of newlywed bliss, my wife and I were having challenging conversations around marriage and family that we didn’t have the tools or space to hold while wedding planning. Gaining weight forced me to reckon with my internalized fatphobia. I was embarrassed by how much my changing body affected my self confidence and sense of personal style. I had a moment of professional success followed by a lot of excruciating conversations at work about ways I needed to show up better as a project manager and team member. I felt lost, confused, and anxious. I was hiding.

Over the summer, I reemerged. I can’t say what made the difference. My therapist, Ruby. My wife, who encouraged us to host more gatherings, to foster our community in the wake of horrific attacks on our rights and bodily autonomy. I got out of the house. My best friends brought me so much joy. I found clothes that fit my body, and started having fun with personal style again. Beyoncé released Renaissance. I celebrated my 30th birthday and my community celebrated with me. I committed to spending the next decade being more honest and authentic. Then over the fall, I took a six week paid sabbatical. That shit gave me a mental health high I’m still riding. Stepping away from my day job, traveling with loved ones, intentionally resting, moving my body in ways that bring joy not punishment, fostering creativity and community, and taking time off social media allowed me to feel more myself than I have in years, even as I make room for who I’m becoming.

In no particular order - Favorites of 2022

Favorite nonfiction 

Favorite novel

Favorite albums

  • Renaissance Vol. 1 by Beyoncé. Not even a question. This got me through the year.

  • But also: Blue Water Road by Kehlani bc I’m nothing if not a Kehlani stan.

Favorite (read: all) concerts

  • Kehlani at the Anthem

  • Vienna Teng at The Hamilton

  • Maxwell, Joe, and Anthony Hamilton at Capital One Arena

  • Jojo at The Fillmore 

  • Syd at The Fillmore

  • Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness and Dashboard Confessional at RAMS Head Live

  • Honorable mention: Snoh Aalegra at the Anthem (people KEPT passing out so it was a very mid show; her encore almost made up for it).

Favorite bites

  • Pistachio croissants in Italy

  • Crispy chicken Krapow croissant at Sweeteria

  • Biscuits and gravy made by my wife.

Favorite TV show

  • Abbott Elementary is everything to me. I watched it twice on Hulu, watch it live most Wednesdays, and some episodes I’ve seen up to 3 times because Bae kept falling asleep (she was sick, and I loved it more and more each time so I don’t blame her!).

Favorite cookbook

Favorite misc. accomplishments

  • After 7 years together, I got my wife into eating tofu. Now she eats it constantly and even cooks it while I’m out of town. The recipe that got her is this air fryer tofu with Omsom Bulgogi on top.

  • I hosted a clothing swap with friends at the library that was open to the public. It was a ton of fun and personally rewarding.

Reading life reflections & a note on demographics:

My "goal" was 30 books, which was not really a goal - I just wanted to read quality over quantity. I read 52 books. I think. Since switching to storygraph and taking social media breaks, my tracking is not where it used to be - I found one book that was missing through this, so it’s possible there are others. Below is a very rough, imperfect breakdown on race/ethnicity and gender, sexuality, whether they’re out as LGBTQ+, and disability status. This is riddled with errors, I’m sure, and is meant to be a snapshot look at where there are gaps in my reading life. My thoughts on reading diversely are consistent with what I wrote about this last year.

  • Race/ethnicity (note: because race and ethnicity are different categories, this won’t add up to 52): 26 books by Black writers, 17 books by white writers, 3 books by Latinx writers, 4 books by AAPI writers, 5 books by writers of Arab descent and 0 books by Native American writers.

  • Gender: 42 books by women, 5 books by men, 4 books by trans/non-binary authors, and 1 anthology with writers across gender.

  • I read 18 books with writers who are out as members of the LGBTQ community.

  • I read 3 books with disability/chronic illness representation

It’s embarrassing that my number of AAPI and Native writers is still so low, and honestly I read a higher percentage of white writers this year than I’d like. Some other demographics I’d be interested in looking at are body size (am I leaving out fat writers?), country of origin, and whether the author is dead or alive. Sharing this here for accountability and a reminder that reading exclusively or majority white authors is not a neutral act.

2022 Intentions and Did I Meet Them?

I shared this in my 2021 year in review and it resonated with folks so I wanted to include that again this year.

  • Write morning pages regularly - Did not do. I don’t have a consistent journaling practice, but I did journal a lot.

  • Monthly date nights - Did we do this monthly? IDK. We did have a lot of memorable date nights, and it’s something I want to continue doing in 2023 - finding a balance of spontaneity (her preference) with advance planning (my preference).

  • Pay down credit card debt - We paid off our credit card debt completely in August! WOOHOO! Shoutout to my wife truly for being the financial planning backbone for our family. I love you.

  • Figure out my career trajectory - LOL. Did not do? I went on sabbatical trying to decide what I want to do next after 5 years in my current company and decided I want to stay. The flexibility that I get ¾ of the year is worth it.

  • 1,000 subscribers on my newsletter - Done! I did this in the first month and a half of the year after going viral with the Max/Jamaal story. I’m currently at 1,036.

  • Get MoCo Library card - Done! I did this over the summer. I moved out of DC in 2019 and for much of 2020 was using my cousin’s MoCo card for contactless pickup. Using the library has nurtured my inner child and helped me feel more connected to my Grandma, a longtime Montgomery County library patron. 

  • Laugh more - Done? Hard to quantify.

  • Stick to screen time - Sometimes. Last two weeks notwithstanding, my relationship with my phone had been great in the aftermath of my sabaddie social media break.

  • Go thrifting more - Done! I just recently started in the fall and am looking forward to doing this even more in 2023.

2023 Intentions

  • More fun things outside the house - friends, hit me up! I want to wear outfits and be in public!

  • Host a gathering once a quarter

  • Go on a hike once a quarter

  • New tattoo

  • Stay credit card debt free

  • Pay off Bae’s car - as I’ve mentioned before, she is the better saver of the family, but I’d like to contribute just a little! LOL.

  • Learn how to style my hair wavy

  • Buy a new iPhone - I miss creating content a lot but my front facing camera is scratched. This would allow me to get back into documenting my life more consistently AND accomplish a financial goal of saving a large amount

  • Floss :)

  • Host two clothing swaps

  • January goal: Do not buy clothes for the first 10 days of the month. 2/10 days down! Like I said, I lost and found my style in 2022. December was a ridiculous month for unnecessary clothing spending, and I’m also trying to balance my spending so I don’t spend all my fun money the second I get paid.

Reminder & affirmation

In my 2021 year in review, I intentionally celebrated the ways I stayed the same - this year I’m celebrating losing & finding myself. I hope it resonates. And because Mary Olive gets me through every year, wherever you are in your journey, “no matter how lonely,” as we start 2023, may I remind you You Do Not Have to Be Good. You don't have to set any goals or intentions for 2023 to be worthy, and I hope that you take care of yourself & let others take care of you because you deserve love and care.

I had to show off some of the outfits because rediscovering my personal style made me feel like ME again but maybe one of my 2023 intentions should be to perfect the tripod selfie.