Vol. 62: On not having a dream ft. Ellen of Reading the End

Today's newseltter is a takeover from my dearest friend Ellen. Ellen and I became friends nearly half a decade & another lifetime ago when she slid into my DMs asking if I felt sorry for Ted Allen on Chopped (I do not). She has brought so much joy, wisdom & camradarie into my life so I'm very grateful for her taking the time to share some of that with you. Be sure to follow her on IG or her blog.

When Allison asked me if I’d be interested in writing a guest newsletter, I was very excited and then immediately panicked, which is par for the course for me. I write a lot of book reviews, but I didn’t know what to focus on outside of that. So I thought about what would have been helpful for me to hear, and landed on “I don’t have a dream.”

As I progress through my 30s, one of my favorite things about this decade is learning to embrace the things I love, while still trying new things. People are so scared of aging, but you know what’s scarier? Being a young person. 

I have a vivid memory of sitting on the floor in the student union at LSU when I was visiting as a high school senior, trying to figure out what courses to sign up to take the following fall. Excuse me? Considering your future is a terrifying experience (at least, it was for me), and I had no idea what I wanted to do, or the classes I should explore.

I don’t remember ever feeling a strong pull towards a career growing up. So much of our “dreams” are centered around work – thanks, capitalism. And because I bounced around from wanting to be a marine biologist (who didn’t?) to surgeon to editor without landing anywhere specific, I felt like I was doing something wrong. 

But as I’ve gotten older and been in careers, I’ve realized that yes, while some people have dreams of starting their own company or becoming a CEO, small joys can be dreams as well. And that’s no less valid.

The first cool breeze after a hot summer, when your face hurts from smiling too much, holding hands – all little dreams that happen daily. I am so happy to chase those instead of constantly thinking about “what’s next.” 

I love my job and I’m perfectly content, and though I have ambitions within my current role, I don’t see myself going anywhere or trying to move up. I still have to fight an internal voice sometimes that says I’m doing something wrong, but I will continue ignore it until it goes away. And I’ll keep chasing my tiny joys - and I hope you will, too.

Books, books, books

• Recent reads: I finished Year of the Tiger last week, and I loved getting to know more about Alice Wong. She seems like the kind of person I’d love to hang out with, so spending time with her on the page was extremely rewarding.

• Currently reading: Braiding Sweetgrass is slower, but I think it’s meant to be read that way, and I’m enjoying every minute. It also helps me to embrace the stillness and small joys around me. 

• Backlist book rec: I will always recommend A Place For Us, because I think it has something for everyone, plus anything Becky Chambers, because she makes me happy, and gives me hope for the future.

• TBR alert: I’m looking forward to reading Kiss Her Once For Me during the holidays – I loved her previous book.

Small Business Corner

I absolutely love Squeaky Dreams – the products last forever and they smell so good! Enchanted Forest is my personal favoite.

And I originally found out about Myla Makes through Allison, and I’m pretty sure she’s included a link in her newsletter before, but I had to shout Myla out again because I just love her earrings.

Community Care

In exchange for this free newsletter, please consider giving $5 - 7 to these cause listed below!

In the spirit of my recent read, I’d love to encourage you to donate to Alice Wong’s Disability Visibility project.

Self Care Corner

I’m a big believer in positive self-talk – it’s such an awkward thing to start doing, but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. And I’ve found that it truly changes my thought process in how I think about myself.

Thank you so much to Allison for your years of friendship and letting me talk to your lovely subscribers. If you want to follow me, I mostly post book reviews at Reading the End in my feed, with lots of unhinged thoughts in my stories. 

And in the spirit of my little joys, I’ll leave you with “Don’t Hesitate” by Mary Oliver (who Allison made me read years ago and who I now love immensely):

“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, be very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.”