Vol 59: On adult friendships, kindred spirits, and loneliness ft. Lauren Bo

I'm thrilled to bring you November's newsletter takeover from Lauren Bo! Lauren joined my workplace at a time I was feeling lonely and we and instantly connected. She is extremely thoughtful, and her commitment to her craft, her community, and her many creative hobbies is inspiring. I hope you enjoy Lauren's edition today and please follow her at @literarybread to keep up to date with her future work!

Hello, friends! And thank you to Allison for the opportunity to take over her newsletter this week!

If you couldn’t guess by the subject line, Allison has been a kindred spirit during a time in my life where finding meaningful friendships has been hard. 

Allison and I met through work, and from my first day, I had colleagues telling me that I needed to meet Allison. At the time, I was trying to make my way in the world of bookstagram, so I have to admit that I was a bit starstruck when I realized that Allison is a booksta PRO. While I have since decided that social media is far from my calling, Allison and I have grown closer, discussing not only our favorite books but also our respective writing practices, our shared love of food, and most recently, a shared love for Vienna Teng!

As adults, we have so many fewer opportunities to meet people. This is especially exacerbated when you move to a new city (as I did in fall 2019 when I moved to St. Louis) or when you work in a remote office— not to mention the ongoing challenges of meeting new people in a pandemic. It also doesn’t help that I’m naturally introverted and find it exceptionally difficult to navigate the transition from acquaintance to friend. So many times I’ve had an amazing coffee date with a potential new friend or local writer only for neither of us to follow up afterwards. I can’t help but think that they must have felt differently. Often I’m too afraid to provide the vulnerability that friendship requires. 

I want to normalize talking about the challenges of making adult friendships and the loneliness that I imagine so many of us feel when we are trying to build or rebuild our communities, whether this is due to a cross country move or a need to replace toxic relationships with those rooted in love, support, and abundance. While I may have fewer people I hold close enough to call friends, I cherish them all the more. 

To everyone searching for kindred spirits and fighting loneliness, I see you and believe in you.

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” -L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Books, books, books

• Currently Reading:

  • Earlier this week, I picked up a copy of Grievers by adrienne marie brown, and I’ve been voraciously reading it since. A beautifully written reminder that public health crises, such as a pandemic or the larger endemic of racialized trauma, do not affect us all equally. 

  • I was so excited for the October release of Frankie Gaw’s First Generation: Recipes from My Taiwanese-American Home. While this is ostensibly a cookbook and does include recipes, it is interspersed with profound narrative anecdotes about Gaw’s childhood and relationship with his family. The recipes are also wildly fun, including delights such as Cinnamon Toast Crunch Butter Mochi and Lap Cheong Corndogs!

• Nonfiction November Recommendations:

  • The Collected Schizophrenias by Esme Weijun Wang - My go to recommendation for anyone interested in conversations of mental health.

  • Know My Name by Chanel Miller - One of the most powerful voices I’ve encountered–I especially recommend the audio book, which is read by Chanel herself! Chanel also creates poignant hybrid works that she shares on her instagram.

  • I Had a Miscarriage: A Memoir, a Movement by Jessica Zucker - A necessary read for everyone (particularly in a post-Roe America) to understand the harrowing experience of miscarriage and how we can support the grief of those who experience it.

• TBR alert

  • Chlorine by Jade Song (March 2023) - Described as a literary coming-of-age narrative meets unsettling horror tale, Song’s debut is giving me major Bestiary by K-Ming Chang vibes.

  • I Went to See My Father by Shin Kyung-sook, translated into English by Anton Hur (April 2023) - I’m a huge fan of Anton Hur as a translator and loved his translation of Shin Kyung-sook’s Violets earlier this year. This is a long-awaited follow up to Shin Kyung-sook’s Please Look After Mom, which came out in the US in 2008!

Small Business Corner

No affiliate links here— just some businesses that I adore!

• As a proud (half) Taiwanese American, I have to shoutout, Yun Hai, a Taiwanese dry goods store with an online presence and brick-and-mortar location in Brooklyn, NY. I especially recommend their dried fruit and artisanal soy sauce!

• One of my favorite visual artists is Georgina Leung, an illustrator and tattoo artist based in London. I snagged one of her phone cases earlier this year and am obsessed 😍

• I haven’t yet purchased from Bokuno Shop but I’m eyeing their Chie doll as a Christmas present for my niece. I always love a handmade doll but especially appreciate their representation of different skin and hair colors. 

• Finally, a quick shout out to Yu & Me Books, which in less than a year has already done so much to elevate the voices of AAPI writers and creatives! It’s my absolute dream to do a reading there someday (once I actually publish a book, of course 😅)

Community Care

In exchange for this free newsletter, please consider giving $5 - 7 to these causes listed below!

• Heart of Dinner – Founded at the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, Heart of Dinner fights food insecurity and isolation faced by Asian American elders. Each delivered meal is accompanied by a handwritten, decorated note written in the language of the recipient. I love when art can be a part of making someone’s life better!

• Very Asian Foundation – The Very Asian Foundation was founded in St. Louis (the city I currently call home) as a result of the outpouring of support that news anchor Michelle Li received following a racist voicemail from a viewer. The Asian population in St. Louis often lacks visibility, so I’m so proud that this organization has maintained it’s St. Louis ties!

• Mission St. Louis – One more for my hometown: Mission St. Louis uses a multi-generational approach to increase economic mobility for St. Louis residents. When I think of organizations grounded in community that are making a difference to our city, I always think of Mission. 

Self Care Corner

While in Michigan for a recent work trip, I purchased a copy of The Golden Virtue of Wasting Time, a zine from Grand Rapids-based artist Holly Bechiri. It was a beautiful reminder that self care can look like doing absolutely nothing. I will leave you with a quote from the zine and hope you consider it an invitation to rest. 

“Because that phoenix? That one that rose so triumphantly from the ashes? First there was the fire. Then the fire had to cool down. Then the healing and strength rebuilding had to take its turn. And then, only then, could that phoenix rise.”

Closing and Keep in Touch

Thank you for reading today and thank you again to Allison for the opportunity to share some of my thoughts and favorites. 

I’m a writer of fiction, poetry, and literary criticism. You can keep in touch and find my work on IG @literarybread. 

P. S. I have a poem on kindred spirits coming out with Kithe Journal very soon!