Vol 54: I don’t want to be a time traveler ft. Jenay Zhyrov

As Bae & I drive home from our leaf-peeping getaway in Vermont, you're in for a special treat today with a guest takeover from Jenay Zhyrov! Jenay and I connected online and became close while both wedding planning. I was drawn to her creativity and infectious Big Joy Energy. I hope you enjoy Jenay's words and please subscribe to her monthly newsletter, Thank You For Being Here.

Hey! Hello. What’s good?

I’m not sure if it’s because Halloween candy has been for sale since August or that egg nog is already in-stock in grocery stores, but I feel like the world around me is yanking me into the future.

My husband and I moved from Los Angeles to Dallas a few months ago. Leading up to the opportunity and decision to move, I spent 2021 and 2022 feeling in limbo, asking a lot of “what if” questions. Since our move, I’ve been facing some growing pains. Not only because we live in a new city but also due to other life transitions I’m working my way through.

I saw a tweet over the weekend that said, “It’s easy to self-sabotage because it enables you to predict the future and gives you an illusion of control.” Oof—I felt that. To cope with uncertainty, I’m familiar with this form of self-sabotage all too well. I’m constantly trying to grasp any crumb of control in an unpredictable world. But I’ve learned first-hand that continually thinking about the future and trying to control every bit of it can be pretty anxiety-inducing.

At times, I wish I could jump into next year when I’d likely feel more settled. But when I take a minute to think about it, I don’t actually want to rush through my current experiences. I’m at a pivotal time in my life, and it should simmer like a tender roast in a slow cooker.

I’m no longer in the mood to skip to the next best moment. I want to enjoy the ones I have now, even if they’re mixed in with uncomfortable ones. At my core, I am always pursuing what I call Big Joy Energy. I know the word “big” is there, but to me, Big Joy Energy can spark from something as simple as lighting the most delicious candle you’ve ever smelled, hugging a friend you haven’t seen in a long time, or getting an extra 25% off an item you were already going to buy. It could also be a six-week long sabbatical (enjoy yours, Allison!) or seeing your favorite band perform. These moments should be savored, not sped through.

Like Allison, I turned 30 this year, and although I don't fear getting older, I do have a fear of feeling like I'm perpetually in fast-forward mode. While I have a greater sense of self, my finances are stable, and I'm in my "I'll do what makes me happy" era, it's not sunshine and roses every day. I'm still dealing with anxiety, self-doubt, and the adult reality that there's always something to deal with. Nonetheless, I have much more joy and ease in my life than I did in my twenties. And if I didn't stop and appreciate this revelation from time to time, I'd be letting it all slip right past me.

On October 28th, I already know I’m going to say to my husband, “How is it about to be a new month?!” At the end of the year, we’ll likely think, “How’d this year go by so fast?” Regardless, we don’t have any control over the actual speed of time, but we have a say in how we experience and process it.

Books, books, books

• The Jenay Starter Pack: a handful of books I recommend to friends

  • Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab

  • Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

  • Love Radio by Ebony LaDelle

  • Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear

  • The White Devil’s Daughter: The Women Who Fought Slavery in San Francisco’s Chinatown by Julia Flynn Siler

  • The Art of Losing: Poems of Grief & Healing—edited by Kevin Young

  • Goodbye, again by Johnny Sun

  • My current auto-buy authors are Jasmine Guillory, Helen Hoang, Emily Henry, Talia Hibbert, and Mary H.K. Choi.

• Currently reading:

  • I started reading the Mirror Novel series in the spirit of this spooky, magical month. Last year, Disney Books gifted me the first two novels of the four-book collection— Broken Wish by Julie C. Dao and Shattered Midnight by Dhonielle Clayton. Each story is written by a different author and follows a family—over several generations—and the curse that burdens them. Although there is tragedy, Broken Wish is a beautiful tale with lessons on kindness and standing up for what’s right.

  • After I finish Shattered Midnight, I’m excited to read Bad At Existing by Madisen Kuhn. She’s a poet/internet bud of mine whose writing I adore. BAE (hehe) is her fourth book. In Madisen’s words, Bad at Existing “embraces the messiness of being human and rejects the idea that we must be perfect to be seen.”

*If you purchase a book via the above links (except for BAE), I'll earn a small commission, and you'll be supporting independent bookstores.

Small Business Corner

People who follow me on Instagram know my love for From Tree to Sea. Chinese-Jamaican ceramicist Lauren Strybos has made some of my favorite possessions and has a soothing YouTube channel. I own two yin-yang pieces by her—a pink and yellow mug with blossoms that I sip my matcha out of every day and a gorgeous black and white vase that sits on my desk with dried flowers. Lauren releases new pieces in small batches that sell out quickly, so I recommend following her on Instagram or subscribing to her newsletter to be in the loop on upcoming drops.

Community Care

In exchange for this free newsletter, please consider supporting Ukrainian businesses and efforts to restore the country. My husband was born & raised in Ukraine, and his parents still reside there while Russia continues to attack Ukrainian civilians.

Made With Bravery is a marketplace where you can support Ukrainian makers. They donate 5% of each item and an extra 5% for purchases made with a Visa card to United24 for reconstructing Ukraine.

Self Care Corner

One act of self-care that has helped ease some anxiety and maximize my time is focusing on one thing at a time. When I have a lot on my plate, I get easily overwhelmed because my mind is racing between tasks. Doing one thing at a time grounds me. A significant shift happened when I started leaving my phone in a different room throughout the day. This way, I'm not constantly pulled away from what I want to do—watching a TV show, reading, tackling a home or work task, or spending quality time with loved ones.

That’s all from me! No matter how your day is going—good, meh, or down-right NOT OKAY—I hope you find a source of joy after you close out of this email.

If you’d like to stay in touch, subscribe to my newsletter, Thank You For Being Here, and follow me on social media (Instagram | TikTok | Twitter). Or, if you’re interested in my freelance writing services, head to my website to work with me.