Vol. 52: Don't interrupt the flow, rest, and incredible memoirs

Hello from halfway through sabbatical. As I’ve mentionedbefore, my job offers a paid six week sabbatical as a benefit after five years of employment. You have the option of adding on additional PTO but I opted not to - TBH, I’ve stayed at this job perhaps longer than I should due to the allure of the sabbatical. I want to see what I do once I’ve removed this reason for staying. So I took my sabbatical as soon as I was eligible and without using additional PTO so I can have a long vacation next year or cash it out. That said - now that I’m here, I wish my time off was longer.

Over the summer, I had a conversation with a friend during their own, self-funded sabbatical after a decade of burnout in movement work. They told me, “It took six weeks to actually learn how to rest.” I’m enjoying myself and my time off, but I’m seeing how right they are. Learning to rest takes time and intentional practice. There’s a pressure (both self-imposed and created by white supremacist culture - more on this later) to do my sabbatical the “RIGHT” way, of feeling both perfectly relaxed and exceptionally productive. I was intentional in not overscheduling myself but I also have a long list of life admin projects to accomplish, a wife I love cooking elaborate meals for, an apartment I have an unhealthy fixation with keeping spotless, et cetera.

Last week, I read Tricia Hersey’s Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto, out today from Little, Brown Spark*. Hersey is an artist, theologian and the creator of The Nap Ministry. Hersey brilliantly names grind culture - our society’s obsession with productivity, internalized capitalism, overwork and a “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” mentality - and ties it to U.S. capitalism’s roots in the enslavement and exploitation of Black people at our country’s founding. Capitalism, slavery and white supremacy are part of our cultural DNA. They persist in our workplaces, in our homes, and what Heresy calls our DreamSpace. To combat this, Hersey writes, we must rest - unplug from social media, spend time in nature, move slowly and intentionally, and yes, nap. As I write from the immense privilege of a paid sabbatical, it’s important to note that The Nap Ministry firmly believes that rest is NOT a privilege, rather a divine right.

I've found that for those who have spent the majority of their precious life working, sometimes at the expense of their health or personal relationships, because they felt they had no other choice, it can be jarring to hear that there can (and should!) be a different way of operating. If you're experiencing that while reading this newsletter, there's space for those feelings. Heresy names this as grief.

As a white person committed to antiracism, it’s necessary that I work daily at unlearning my own internalized capitalism, to both create cultural conditions that promote rest in each space I inhabit, and also to engage in the practices of rest that Heresy writes about for myself. Reading this during my sabbatical, when I’m acutely grappling with my inability to sit still came at a perfect time.

I agree with her premise wholeheartedly and have a long way to go in putting it into practice. The day I finished the book, I felt hurt because we had to cancel an anticipated date night so my tired wife could rest. I wasn’t practicing what I value in the impact of my actions and how I showed up for her. I'm a work in progress, and this is necessary work.

*thank you for the free advanced copy!

Books, books, books

Recent reads

• If it wasn’t clear from my thoughts above, I think you all should buy or borrow Rest is Resistance and read it.

• Solito: A Memoir by Javier Zamora was one of the books I read for my “long” sabbatical reads goal, at 380 pages. This book, which tells the story of Javier’s nine week journey from his home in El Salvador to joining his parents in the US by himself at the age of nine, had me sobbing starting at page 100. It’s been years since I’ve cried at a book like this. Solito is perhaps the best book I’ve read this year - not only because of his harrowing, beautiful and devastating story - but because of the incredible way Javier captured his inner child. It is a remarkable story and so well-written. The found family and community care he experiences on his journey will stay with me forever. I can’t recommend it enough and am looking forward to Lupita Reads Book Club discussion.

• I read Steven Thrasher’s The Viral Underclass while in Italy and it was a thought provoking book on the ways systemic oppression and the stigmatization of viruses go hand in hand. It was also incredibly readable, and I recommend it for anyone, particularly those looking to explore LGBTQ rights or racial equity in the public health space. 

• I’m a huge Tiffany D. Jackson fan and her latest, The Weight of Blood, is so good! This is a Carrie retelling that also examines small town segregation and whitewashed history - I loved it even as someone wholly unfamiliar with Carrie. If you’re looking for a fast paced, spooky read, I recommend it with the content warning that it does detail some pretty heinous racism.

• It took me a minute to get into the audiobook of The Man Who Could Move Clouds: A Memoir but it turned into a contender for best of the year. I love reading about intergenerational family history, and I love books that examine the experiences of those with belief systems and realities outside of what I was raised. In her memoir, Contreras shows her mother and grandfather’s experiences as Colombian community healers with very real powers, and also her own experience with amnesia, spirits, and exhuming her grandfather’s body. It is SO good!

• I also read Hala Alyan’s The Twenty-Ninth Year, a dark and beautiful poetry collection that examines love, addiction, general bisexual chaos, and the different spaces we call home (tw: rape, anorexia, alcoholism).

Currently Reading

• I finally (!) started Robert Jones Jr,’s novel The Prophets. I’m 40 pages in and the writing is absolutely stunning. I was a little intimidated because I had heard it was very dense - maybe it’s the mental clarity of sabbatical, but I’m finding it much more readable than I was anticipating.

Small Business Corner

• If you’re in the mood for a fall candle, might I suggest Virginia-based Isle and Wild? This candle in particular sounds amazing but there are so many spooky season options.

• I am in love with everything in this handcrafted shop based in Argentina, but especially this mug.

• I’m going to keep including this every couple months because you all keep using it: Use code ALLISONREADSDC for $10 off your order of $80+ at LGBTQ-owned Wet For Her.

• For my DMV friends looking for a new date night or fun friend group activity, I cannot recommend Sip & Develop in Silver Spring enough. Bae & I went recently and despite the fact that we were inadvertently attending a 12 year old’s birthday party (LOL), we had a blast. You can either check out the camera from them and take photos for 24 hours or have their team of professionals take pics of you and your crew in studio. You then develop your negatives and print your photo in a dark room all while enjoying BYO drinks & snacks. We checked out the camera and had a lovely day date in our neighborhood taking photos. Of course, hers turned out absolutely phenomenal and mine was just ok, so I want to go back soon to develop more negatives. This is also a Black-owned business!

Self Care Corner

I recently shared this passage from Mia Birdsong’s How We Show Up: Reclaiming Friendship, Family and Community with a friend and wanted to include it here for you. 

Amoretta Morris, a wise woman I know who is rethinking philanthropy, wrote, 'It's okay to ask for help. In fact, by doing so, you are taking part in the divine circle of giving and receiving. While we often focus on what the request means for the asker/recipient, we should remember that gifting can be transformative for the helper . . . By not asking for help when you need it, you are blocking that flow.'

. . . This is one of the most liberating things I've ever read. We have a responsibility to each other to ask for help when we need it. Instead of listening to the ficticious lone wolf in us, we must listen to the wolf into the pack, and tap into the impulse that moves us to cocreate opportunities for mutuality, opportunities to care for and be there for one another.

Community Care

In the spirit of creating spaces to honor rest and support survival, please consider giving to the Survivor Support Fund which supports six Black trans women in DC who have experienced housing instability and survived abuse.

That's all, folks!

Thank you for reading! If you like this newsletter, please consider forwarding orsharing the link to subscribe with friends. Being off social media* for sabbatical has been incredible for my mental health but it has slowed my subscriber growth.

Next week, I’ll be in Vermont leaf peeping with Bae, so you’ll get my second special guest writer edition. I can’t wait to share! I’ll be back in two weeks.

*ok fine, only this week have I finally made my wife change my Twitter password since I found myself scrolling there after I deleted TikTok and Instagram apps…  Note to self: write newsletter about social media detox because this shit is HARD. FOR. ME.