Vol. 49: Thoughts on community & my sabbatical TBR

I turned 30 on August 21 and am so grateful for the way my community showed up. I’m an extrovert who loves bringing my friends and loved ones together. My wife spoiled the shit out of me, taking me to two concerts, a beer festival in Pittsburgh, out to dinner, and more; she was also a perfect co-party planner for my celebration - a “wear blue” rooftop happy hour with friends and family from all areas of my life, and loved ones coming in from Michigan, Connecticut and Brooklyn.

I had so many moments this past year where I felt confused and unsure of who I am. Without realizing, my identity was based on many aspects of my life that changed over the pandemic years. I rooted my identity in being thin (shoutout to my wife for gently pointing this out to me because that was - and is - a tough pill to swallow with LOTS to unpack). I rooted my identity in my social media presence while feeling drained by being online. And - most especially - I rooted my identity in my friendships and was left struggling when relationships shifted or ended. 

I still find myself defining myself by my circle and my people. I had a lot of social anxiety leading into my birthday - so many of my friends are entering new phases of life, growing their family, their career, shifting their priorities. Like most millennials, I have best friends scattered throughout the country. I was afraid people wouldn't show up, that they wouldn't care, or that (inexplicably) they'd think I have no friends. Social anxiety is both ridiculous and valid. I made it known that entering my 30th was important for me to feel celebrated, and my people showed up and out.

The biggest compliment I received around my birthday was not on my dress or nails (though I felt gorgeous), but a “You have great friends” or “I very much enjoy your people.” Community is critical - spaces for rigorous accountability, chosen family and, if you’re lucky, family of origin. I loved starting my new decade of life surrounded both by people I've known for decades and those I'm only recently getting to know better. I love people, and feel lucky to be loved. 

Sabaddie countdown

My job has an incredible benefit of six weeks PTO for five years of service. My five year anniversary at my job is September 14 and starting September 16, I’ll be off work until early November. I have some travel planned -  going to Italy with one of my best friends, Julia, and to Vermont with my wife.

Beyond that, I want to read project nonfiction, work on my writing, and lean into true, restorative relaxation (i.e., not scrolling on TikTok for six hours…). I’m also hopeful (fingers crossed) to get back on a weekly newsletter schedule! That said, please let me know if there’s any topics you’d like to see covered in the newsletter from me during that time.

Books, books, books

Recent reads

• I absolutely loved Akwaeke Emezi’s You Made a Fool of Death With Your Beauty. This is one of those books you shouldn’t read the blurb going into but I absolutely recommend it. It is a delightfully messy and beautiful unconventional romance novel.

• My other recent romance read was Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake. This was quite different from the Emezi but still a solid, well-written and entertaining romcom.

• I listened to Jennette McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mother Died thanks to Libro.Fm. This book has been getting a lot of attention lately; it’s a vulnerable and intense look at parental abuse and the toxic work environments of child stardom. I was a fringe iCarly fan but even if you never watched the show, I recommend the audiobook with the caveat that there are triggers for abuse and very detailed eating disorder recounting so it could be extremely difficult to read.

Currently reading

• I finally started the short story collection Rainbow Rainbow by Lydia Conklin. I absolutely loved the moodiness and craft in the first two stories and am looking forward to reading the rest.

• I’m about an hour into the 10 hour audiobook for Ingrid Rojas Contreras’ The Man Who Could Move Clouds: A Memoir, a beautiful exploration of her family’s history with amnesia, healing powers, colonialism in Colombia and more.

Sabbatical TBR

• For Italy, I’m packing a mix of fiction and nonfiction - paperbacks only. I know I’m packing But Some of Us Are Brave: Black Women’s Studies for a longer nonfiction read, and a TBD novel. Novel options are With Teeth by Kristen Arnett, A Caribbean Heriess in Paris by Adriana Herrera or The Perfect Find by Tia Williams. I also want to bring The Viral Underclass by Stephen Thrasher after Traci shared that she’s loving it, so TBD on if I only bring nonfiction or if I pack three books? It’s a 9 day, carry on only trip so two books is the safer bet but… we’ll see.

• Some of the longer nonfiction books I’m going to attempt to read on my sabbatical are These Truths: A History of the United States by Jill Lepore, The Hemingses of Monticello by Annette Gordon Reed and Watergate: A New History by Garrett M. Graff. I know six weeks will fly by, so all three is likely not realistic - we’ll see how far I get!

• I want to take lots of long walks during my time off so please send me audiobook suggestions - memoirs are best, but I can sometimes focus on novels or other nonfiction!

Photo Round-up

Shoutout to Kathy at Central Nail Bar in Silver Spring for my blue manicure

My siblings and parents (not pictured) came to town for my birthday

With my bestie Taylor at the pre-party birthday brunch

We celebrated Max's second Gotcha Day on September 4 aka Bey Day
 

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