Vol. 39: Spiral SZN

I saw something on the internet recently that resonated with me, though I promptly forgot who shared it. This person said they don’t talk about things on the internet while they’re still processing. I appreciate this and historically do not ever do the same. First, I’m an open book. Second, I started this newsletter to grow as a writer and a lot of what that’s meant for me has been processing what's happening in my life as it occurs.

Lately, my mental health has not been in a great place. I’ve been unearthing a lot of shitty thoughts and patterns in my life and struggling with self-compassion as I work through them. Maybe it's "doing the work" with my new therapist? I’m trying to reground in my present without nostalgia for my pre-pandemic “happiness” (I was SO stressed back then!! But how quickly we forget).

All of this to say: What’s bringing you joy lately? How are you fostering adventure in your daily life and your relationships with others? With yourself?

This is a serious question because honestly, I am trying to figure it out myself. 

Today, I’m taking a page from Jenay Ross Zhyrov’s “Big Joy Energy” and Leonor’s “This week in one good thing” to share a couple of things bringing me joy, but mostly to plead with all of you to share your ideas with me as I work through this phase of life.

• Forcing myself away from my computer for a midday walk on warm, sunny days

• Planning a date night for my wife

• Getting Heardle right on the first second (Ariana Grande, Rihanna, Wizkid and Al Green!)

• Seeing Jojo in concert - we bought these tickets when we first moved to Silver Spring two years ago and finally got to see her perform in our neighborhood (Jojo, girl, it's Silver Spring not Silver Springs LOL)!

• Serving as a panelist for the Montgomery County Arts Council - I work in philanthropy full time but don’t have direct grantmaking experience, so this was rewarding for me both professionally and personally, to feel connected to my community!

Books, Books, Books

Recent Reads

• I finished Girls Can Kiss Now by Jill Gutowitz. My complex thoughts are below in “Community Care,” but in short I really enjoyed my reading experience. It was entertaining, heartfelt at times and laugh out loud at others, and very resonant of a specific, white lesbian experience & pop culture. 

• I read Warsan Shire’s new book of poetry, Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head and absolutely loved it. A needed reminder to read more poetry.

Currently Reading

• I am STILL working my way through the audio/physical copy of How Beautiful We Were. Unfortunately, I have come to the conclusion that this isn’t working for me - I don’t know if it’s me or the book. I’m going to power through the audio on dog walks and finish, with only two hours left.

• I'm very early on (30 pages) but I finally picked up All That She Carried: The Journey of Ashley's Sack, a Black Family Keepsake by Tiya Miles. This is a National Book Award winning nonfiction book exploring the intergenerational experience of Black womanhood, resilience, creativity and love. I've had it on my list for awhile and will report back.

Preorder Alert

• Queerly Beloved sounds amazing - forthcoming WLW romance from DC-based author Susie Dumond.

• Adriana Herrera’s A Caribbean Heiress in Paris comes out in May. An ARC landed in my mailbox and I hope to read it ASAP, since I love all her books.

Cool Event Alert #sponsored

Hey, DMV locals: Longtime friends know that I am a huge fan of Old Town Books in Alexandria, VA. They’re hosting the incredible Derecka Purnell for an in person event at the Athenaeum on Wednesday, March 30 at 7 PM. Derecka will be in conversation with Judith Browne Dianis, Executive Director of the Advancement Project National Office about her book, Becoming Abolitionists. Becoming Abolitionists is one of the best books I’ve read recently, an exploration of community love, struggle and safety without police. Highly recommend checking it out!  Learn more and RSVP here.

Small Business Corner

• I highly recommend DC-based LibbyLivingColorfully’s Etsy shop for all sizes of disco balls. Hear me out: A couple months ago Bae told me she wanted a disco ball; naturally, I bought one from her as one of her many 30th birthday gifts but I was skeptical of it as a design element. I was incredibly wrong. Every day around 4 PM when the sunlight hits, it’s SO magical. 

• I absolutely love all the prints from queer owned Rnicolestudio. Should I get this or this or this one?

• I don’t mean to give away my secrets, but I’ve decided I’m just going to buy these candles in bulk for whenever I am in need of a birthday, housewarming or host gift. They’re a nice size but with great throw and a fresh scent that is perfect for spring/summer but also works year round.

• If you’re in Maryland and looking for an event space with great vibes, quality staff and incredible onsite private chefs, check out Experience 923. This is a Black owned business (one of Bae’s besties!).

Community Care

When I was reading Jill Gutowitz’s Girls Can Kiss Now, I resonated with the book so much but couldn’t help but feel weird about the portrayal of a highly specific white, relatively middle class, cis lesbian experience. Jill is of my same generation - born two years older than me, but came out roughly the same year (2014). Sometimes I worry that white, coastal, internet gays (myself included!) talk a lot about small, microaggressions and the challenges we faced growing up, while claiming - implicitly or explicitly - that queerness is now “mainstream” and “widely accepted.”  

If there’s anything these attacks against LGBTQ youth in Florida and trans youth in Texas have shown us, it’s that (again!!!) our rights are not guaranteed. Things won’t automatically get better, we have to continue to fight to protect the most vulnerable. That said, I highly recommend this piece by Kristen Arnett on growing up gay in Florida, the current “Don’t Say Gay” bill and organizations to support. 

Arnett recommends the following organizations to support - consider giving $5 - 7 as payment for this free newsletter:

• Zebra Coalition

• Come Out with Pride Orlando

Self Care 

As mentioned above, I’ve been struggling with self care lately and it feels disingenuous to provide “tips” when it feels like nothing is “working” for me.

I wrote out this emotional ass newsletter and then went to a concert where I sung my little heart out wearing a K-N95 to an artist I’ve loved for over half my life. Here's one of my favorite Jojo songs that so perfectly describes what I’ve been grappling with lately.

Usually people compliment my positivity

But my sanity ain't always there for me

It's like that when you're your biggest enemy

Guess I'm having ice in my Sauvignon

I'm havin' one of those nights

Where I need it right now

You know that I can't chill 

Never could, probably never will

I could do somethin' nice for myself, but I don't

I keep on startin' fights with myself, goin' downhill

Postpone the healing, it's spiral season again.

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