Vol. 33: A fun giveaway, some thoughts on communication, & easy meals

Last week I had one of the highest responses to my newsletter ever! While it deeply fed my words of affirmation-love language, one of the things I really loved was seeing how what uniquely resonated with each reader. Everyone took something different away, which felt like a real time practice of something I addressed in the newsletter - letting go of the desire for others to react the same in a scenario as you would, or share your exact meaning.

I’ve faced a lot of frustration and anxiety at work when I’m leading a meeting, sharing my idea, and met with a, “Well what about X?” when X was what I thought I was communicating. Of course, this is something women & nonbinary people deal with often from men at work (and women of color from white women!) - but in these instances, it’s me as a white women presenting to my team of mostly other white women - at best, I’m frustrated that no one is listening to me; at worst, I feel insecure about my communication skills.

Largely due to my day job, I’ve felt throughout the pandemic that all of our daily stress and burnout has led to a real inability to truly listen to each other. 

I’ve also had some experiences in newsletter responses where I’ve written very vulnerably about the ways queerness and homophobia showed up in our wedding planning, and had straights reply very eagerly, “I know exactly how you feel!!!”

While of course it’s possible for experiences outside our own to resonate, it came across as an erasure of the specifics oppression I face as a lesbian. Related but different: saying “I don’t see color” is failing to acknowledge the specifics of a person of color’s identity and the way race influences all our lived experiences (because if you’re white - whiteness plays a HUGE role in your day to day life! I promise!).

While those are examples of times communication has broken down, last week’s response was different and lovely. I’m rambling a bit, when what I’m trying to say is: thank you for sharing how my words resonate with your own lived experience. And thank you to those of you who truly see me.

Small Biz Corner

Thanks to my photographer Bae for the shot! This was a cheekier alternate for the one I used on the campaign - which do you like better?

I’m very pleased to announce that I’m now an ambassador with Wet For Her! Wet For Her is a sex toy shop by lesbians, for lesbians - and there are a wide variety toys available for everyone, whether you want to have fun with a partner or just indulge in some self care. I share enough of my life with all of you and I’m not telling you what I ordered LOL, but you can use my code ALLISONREADSDC for $10 off your order of $80+. I’m also running a giveaway on IG for Valentine’s Day so be sure to check it out here!

I absolutely am obsessed with these candles from C’Toan, a Black, queer-owned business based out of Wisconsin. 

Books, books, books

Currently reading

• Something about pandemic winters makes me want to reread old favorites. I picked up Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult at a little free library and it is so delightful to revisit an easy read I loved so much as a teen. I remembered this book as a story of a man on death row who wanted to give his heart to the child, in need of a transplant, of the man who killed, but I forgot the whole “Is he Jesus reincarnate” plot point. I will say it’s weird having just finished a book about AIDS activism to read a book featuring a gay character who murdered his cheating lover and has Karposi sarcoma all over his face. 

• My tattoo and my love of the ampersand has reminded me to revisit one of my favorite poetry collections of all time, Teeth by Aracelis Girmay. I love how a poem I’ve known by heart for nearly half my life at this point (“Here”) can still bring tears to my eyes.

Recent reads:

• Speaking of, I finished Let the Record Show and absolutely loved this book. Really incredible reading experience, fascinating, necessary history, can’t recommend it enough.

• Over the weekend, I read Home is Not a Country by Safia Elhillo in just two sittings. This is a young adult novel in verse that is both tender and magical. I found the beginning a teeny bit repetitive but I’m glad I stuck through because the second half was remarkable. Thanks to Get Underlined for the gifted copy and my sis for reminding me to finally pick it up!

• I finished On Juneteenth on audio and really liked it, though I would have preferred to read a physical copy since it was sometimes hard to focus on the audio. She does an amazing job exploring how we make meaning of history, and the intersection of origin myths, what really happened, and how she finds pride in her homeland of Texas. Really lovely essay collection and I eventually need to read Annette Gordon Reed’s famous book, Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemmings.

Community Care

Longtime readers know I usually try to keep my newsies “link light” but this Mia Mingus piece was really important for me to read as an ablebodied person - particularly as an event planner professionally.

While I’ve been to more in-person gatherings in 2022 than I went to for 2020 and much of 2021, I have taken the approach of masking and testing regularly - before and after gatherings - to be aware of limiting potential spread to immunocompromised populations. I think when we talk about calculated risk, those of us with privilege and access need to ensure we’re testing when applicable so we’re not accidentally passing an asymptomatic spread to those who can’t afford to social distance.This is, of course, different than the stance Mingus takes - I encourage you to read her words.

Self care

(TW: discussion of food/eating!) One of my favorite lessons from the book Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski was that spending 30 minutes “paying attention to your food” can be a way to combat burnout - this means preparing and/or eating your food without a screen.

I’m all about the easy, at home, nourishing meal as self care for your wallet and body (not in the diet culture way - personally I feel better when I eat a vegetable or two and don’t have takeout for every meal!), while also combating burnout. I’m a huge fan of Hello Fresh, which was critical for my self care and love of cooking, but we’ve redone our budget and cut back to HF just twice a month. Below are some recent easy, delicious meals we’ve made:

• Trader Joe’s gyro meat, pita, red onion and tzatziki with TJ’s mediterranean salad on the side

• TJ’s spicy truffle picatta sauce on world’s largest fusili with pepperoni (or cured meat of your choice) with a TJ’s salad on the side.

• Smitten Kitchen chicken and wonton soup - not a 20 minute meal, but somewhat quick once I got the hold of folding wontons!

• Omsom Yuzu Misoyaki on salmon with a side of rice and roasted veggies

• Omsom Mala starter in this zucchini, edamame and corn fried rice dish

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