Vol. 28: Making the yuletide gay

In which I talk about Christmas movies but there are no spoilers

Today’s newsletter is brought to you by the new Netflix film, Single All the Way. They didn’t sponsor me - I just really, really loved that movie. If you haven’t yet, I need you to watch it.

I’ve needed a movie like Single All the Way for years.

My straight friends love cheesy, Hallmark Christmas movies. When they talk about their anticipation for Hallmark Christmas, it feels like the closest thing we as adults have to that childlike anticipation for Santa. My straight friends have always loved and supported me even when they didn’t quite know what to say. How was I supposed to tell them that their beloved Hallmark Christmas movies represented a deep, problematic heteronormativity that triggered me every year?

For many years, the holidays have felt oddly alienating. At a time of year dedicated to joy and family, being queer feels sharp, cutting. I’m reminded how my relationship has to withstand a lot of societal bullshit that other couples don’t. I constantly want to stomp my feet on the ground and shout IT'S NOT FAIR. It’s not, my loving partner reminds me, but that’s life.

I am a white, cis, ablebodied and financially privileged woman in an area like DC; for most of the year, homophobia is present yet tolerable. I love being a lesbian and my relationship, the love we share as two women, is the biggest blessing in my life.

There’s a long essay here related to the ways my whiteness and my queerness show up and intersect; the way I expect systems to be fair still today when there is so much evidence to the contrary; the ways my view of justice is accessible to me given my privilege and the limited systemic barriers I’ve faced. This is not quite that essay. I’m also wary in writing this essay of my feelings of alienation within the Christmas season, as a Christian, because I know how this time of year can be deeply alienating for Jews and others who don’t celebrate Christmas. Again, not that essay, but it bears acknowledging.

Is it also worth mentioning here that my family has always gone out of their way to love and support me and my relationship? I think it is, because I know they’ll read this and want to be sure they know: your love is seen and appreciated.

Last year, despite knowing better, I watched The Happiest Season. I know some loved this film, and I’m not going to get into it except to say: In my desperation for representation of joy, I watched a film that I knew, based on the trailer and reviews, showed the exact pain that I’ve grappled with for years. Watching The Happiest Season was not representation-as-release. Though I respect the queer women behind the film, I just want happy love stories. The movie made me sad. The experience watching made me very, very angry - my straight friends get to look forward to Hallmark Christmas movies as a time of peace and comfort, while for me, this film represented our struggle in a way that was unhealthy at best and harmful at worst. How was I supposed to laugh at this? For the supposed antidote to the heteronormativity to only expose that sharp nerve added insult to injury. I would have much rather had a full length Etsy commercial.

But Single All the Way? It is delightful.

Yes, it is queer men and not queer women. I’m no film critic, but I saw myself and I saw my friends. I saw the Christmas love story we all deserve.

Next on my watchlist is Every Time a Bell Rings, a Hallmark movie that features a lesbian couple. Turns out we don't even pay for Hallmark as part of our cable package, but I'll be watching it with my family when I'm home and enjoying their cable.

The holidays are still complicated this year - marred both by grief and the never ending pandemic - but they also finally feel different in the way I’ve been yearning for. Yes, it’s because we’re married, and it’s also because the difficulties of the past year and the joy of celebration has brought me closer to feeling like I finally have the chosen family I’ve been longing for. To see my queer chosen family represented in such a loving, joyful way adds even more sweetness.

Mariah Miranda Photography

p.s. As we close out 2021 and I near 900 subscribers on my newsletter - a creative project that has been so meaningful for me this past year - I'm seeking feedback from my readers! Please take <10 minutes to fill out this feedback form. As a token of my appreciation, I'll be doing two random drawings for $10 for those who fill out the survey. You can include either your payment details or the details of your fave mutual aid at the bottom of the survey, and I'll be doing the drawing in early January 2022.