Vol. 26: On overwhelm, holidays and how to stay human

How to be human 

I read Laziness Does Not Exist in January and while I had my critiques of the book, one message that has stayed with me: If you’re tired, it’s because your body needs to rest. If you’re hungry, it’s because you didn’t eat enough of what nourishes you. I’ve gotten better at making manageable to-do lists and seek to offer myself grace for my own capabilities, but the demands of the world are such that we often don’t have room for our own humanity.

Recently, I told a close friend everything on my plate. Sharing my list and realizing how much I’m holding was both release and validation. The past 20 months have been an exercise in constantly recalibrating my own capacity to the extent that I’m wary of even sending out this newsletter since I feel like a broken record: I’m too busy. I’m burnt out. Things are good, but I’m struggling. 

And then there's the season. The holidays have been a challenging time for all of my adulthood (more on that another time, maybe). There’s so much pressure for “the most wonderful time of year” and while there is magic, I’ve often not known where to place my sadness. There’s a trickiness in navigating such a family-forward time as a same-sex, interracial couple that I quite don’t know how to talk about publicly, only to say: if this is a challenging time for you, too, for whatever reason, you’re not alone.

This year, I’m full of contradictions. I’m grateful and excited to be entering our first holiday season as a married couple. I’m still reveling in the beauty of my wife and our partnership. I feel loved and safe, by her and by so much of our community. And I’m desperately missing my Grandma. When I sat down to write this newsletter, I wrote a lot of words but all of them amounted to this: My Grandma has been dead for five months but on Monday, it hurt like it was yesterday.

Since moving to DC in 2014, I’ve helped her decorate for Christmas. I would come over early before a Sunday dinner and she’d have the boxes up from the basement already, each carefully labeled to indicate which ornament was inside (“Three angels and two Victorian ladies”). My Grandma hadn’t had a tree in years, but we’d set up a Christmas music box on top of a table handcrafted by my Grandpa. I’d hang multicolored glass bulbs off her artwork, display White House Christmas ornaments on the mantle. Every year, she’d tell me to “decorate however you like” and then tell me exactly where each ornament should go.

I miss her, and I know some days are easier than others, but I’m struggling in the silence that expects I should not be talking about her death and its effect on me anymore. Again, here, I feel like a broken record, like I’m boring my readers because I’m just not over it. Thank you, newsletter readers (if you’ve even made it this far), for allowing me space to process. 

Small Biz Corner

I love highlighting the importance of shopping small and shopping early, but to be honest: the end of the year generally wreaks havoc on my budget. I love gift giving, sales and shopping, so it’s always really easy for things to spiral out of control (and - perhaps related to the holiday stress I mentioned earlier - I buy myself one present for each present I buy for others, which never helps). I’m sharing these sales with a note that please, financial wellness is self care, and you don’t NEED to blow your budget to have a good time or show your loved ones you care.

That said - here are some sales happening right now:

• Omsom: 15% off until Thanksgiving. All the starters are delicious; you can't go wrong.

• Girlfriend Collective: 30% off. I love their Paloma sports bra and have heard amazing things about their sweats.

• Grind Like a Doll: Up to 40% off.

• Grounded: 20% off and free plant with $100 purchase. Bae recommends a Snake plant for first-time plant parents!

I’m opting not to create an official gift guide this year, since I’ve shared so many small businesses over the course of my newsletter in this section AND so many folks have already created lovely gift guides. I liked this one from Traci at The Stacks and Sarah over at Bookish and Black shared a gift guide with her Patreon.

If you want to support my work while gift giving, you can use the following affiliate codes/links and I'll earn a small commission:

• Audiobook lovers in your life? Use code ALLISONREADS to gift a Libro.Fm subscription. Would be a perfect gift for a minimalist.

• You can gift someone a Bookshop.org gift card using my affiliate link here.

• Use code ALLISONREADS10 for 10% off your Birthdate Candle.

• Use code ALLISONERADSDC for 20% off your Hotel Collection candles (my favorite scent is My Way).

Books, books, books

I finished my reread of The Fact of a Body: A Murder and a Memoir and In the Dream House, both of which are incredible, genre-defying memoirs and were even more amazing the second time around. Trigger warning for abuse - child sexual abuse in Marzano-Leznevitch, and emotional/psychological abuse in the Machado. It feels a little weird to share that I’m rereading dark books about abuse for comfort, but rereading books I know to be five star reads has brought me so much peace & continued excitement in my reading life at a time where I’m wary to risk not being able to get into a book.

I started Derecka Purnell’s Becoming Abolitionists which is really incredible so far. I loved her episode on The Stacks podcast and excited to read this one.

If you’re in the mood for a Christmas, queer, baking show-inspired romance novella, might I recommend Adriana Herrera’s Mangoes and Mistletoe?

Recent moments

Coffee and morning reading, even if it’s only a few pages.

Making a hot toddy with honey homegrown by one of my dearest college friends and my new Estelle decanter.