Vol. 25: On feeling different

Welcome, November

I have a lot on my mind following our wedding and honeymoon. We spent a weekend surrounded by friends and family that was full of a beauty that, for many years, neither of us felt was possible. We then went to Carefree, Arizona to Civana Spa & Wellness Resort for four nights of rest, spa treatments, health food and time in the sun. I am so incredibly grateful.

Between the wellness resort and the beauty of the wedding, I’m committed to approaching the month of November with new energy and intentionality. Part of that means processing the past six months of grief & celebration through writing and recommitting to a weekly newsletter. If you’re a recent subscriber: in the beginning I would alternate newsletter formats - one long form “letter from the editor” and one “slice of life.” I try not to overcommit, particularly since the kind of processing I want to do cannot be immediate, but I do want to hold myself accountable to sharing what I’m learning about myself and my experiences as we close out 2021.

I had a conversation with friends Nishta and her wife Jill over dinner on our honeymoon (Bae: “It wouldn’t be Allison’s honeymoon if she didn’t have to meet her favorite author”) and they asked me if anything felt different since being married. For many couples who have lived together for years, like my wife (!!) and I have, often they don’t express marriage feeling different. New gifts off the registry, filing jointly at tax time, maybe. But what I said is - I want this to feel different. And maybe it’s not just about the marriage, but about how difficult the past six months have been, losing my Grandma, losing friends, the ongoing pandemic. My level of anxiety and burnout has been untenable.

I want to be more intentional not only in my relationship but also within myself. I’m viewing this next phase of life as a newlywed as an opportunity to recommit to loving & caring for myself so I can love & care for my wife.

Mariah Miranda Photography 

Books, Books, Books

I am obsessed with everything Tiffany D. Jackson writes and her latest, White Smoke, was outstanding. I’m not a big horror or YA reader so if you’re hesitant about those genres as well, I promise she’s worth it. It was good & creepy without terrifying me - but I also read it by the pool in Arizona rather than home alone. If you’re a fan of When No One is Watching, you’ll definitely like this one. I also have to know - for those who’ve read it, it’s set in Detroit, right? Between the “what up doe” and Coney dog references, plus Mr. Sterling has got to be Dan Gilbert??!??!?!? Please send me your theories on this if you’re a Michigander and a TDJ stan like I am.

I finally joined the rest of the world and read my first Hanif Abdurraquib book, A Little Devil in America: Notes on Black Performance and it is sheer brilliance. His writing, his love for Black people, for humanity, for music. It is hard for me to pick a standout essay from this collection because the craft was so next level incredible. Disclosure: Thanks to Random House for the gifted copy.

I recently completed a reread of Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning via audiobook. I read an ARC of this in early 2020 and enjoyed it, but felt like I read it too fast. Audio reread is going to be my new method - it really reminded me how brilliant of a book this is, and I got a lot more out of it the second go. 

It’s Nonfiction November, so if you’re looking for reading recs, I have a whole book list for you here! I especially recommend Joy Harjo’s memoirs, sitting at the intersection of Native American Heritage Month and Nonfiction November.

Community Care

I’ve long admired the work of Collective Action for Safe Spaces and the work they’re doing around the Survivor Support Fund feels necessary, human, beautiful and radical. Give to support 6 Black trans women survivors here because, in their words, “there’s enough money in our community for everyone to have the resources they need.” 

Self Care

I’m probably preaching to the choir/18 months late on this, but have you ever tried painting as a mindfulness technique!? Bae and I received mini halloween paint kits from our apartment building and did them together the other day. It was so relaxing and completely turned my mind off. I couldn’t be on my phone or stressing about my upcoming speaking engagements for work. We will definitely be doing this again - soon. 

Small biz corner

If you or someone you love has curly hair, can I recommend Kin Apparel’s satin-lined hoodies? I gave Bae the thick white kente hoodie. She looks impossibly cute and cozy in it, plus it keeps her hair protected. They are amazing. 

I know I mentioned omsom back in May, but wanted to give a shoutout again with the holidays coming up (and for many of you who are recent subscribers). Last year, my college roommates and I did an “Omsom Friendsgiving” where we all bought one starter and cooked together via Zoom with a specialty cocktail. It was a fun way to connect across time zones. And beyond the social aspect, omsom is an incredibly delicious way to come up with easy, healthy meals when you have no idea what to cook.

That's all folks!

As always, please let me know what you thought of this week's newsletter or forward to a friend who you think might enjoy my words. <3