Vol. 22: How we met, self love, and (surprise, surprise) lots of books

We’re on a podcast!

In case you missed it, Bae and I had the pleasure of being on Amber Burns’ Thank You for Asking Podcast a week and a half ago, and we had a total blast. We talk about how we met, interracial dating, books (of course), and how I feel about Instagram these days. You can listen here if you haven’t yet or use this link to listen directly on Apple Podcasts. Be sure to rate & review Amber’s show!

Photo by Mariah Miranda

Books, books, books

I recently read One of the Good Ones by Maritza and Maika Moulite and if this book is not on your radar, PLEASE consider reading it. Perhaps it flew under the radar more than it should when it came out in January because of the whole insurrection thing, or perhaps I just missed it.   I’m totally blown away. I bought it when it came out in January and so glad I finally read it. This YA novel is incredibly ambitious but somehow works - blending together a classic roadtrip novel, alternating between historical fiction and present day, and also somehow the most suspenseful novels I’ve read all year?! I am blown away.

I also read You Should See Me in a Crown because my reading slump was calling for YA. It took me a minute to get into it, but it was totally adorable. I wish I had read more books like this when I was in high school.

I’m currently reading Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness by Da’shaun L. Harrison. While I’m only a couple of chapters in, I seriously recommend it so far. They are a brilliant, incisive writer.

I also read fifty pages of Conflict is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair by Sarah Schulman but I have so many questions. I fell down a rabbit hole reading reviews and can’t decide if I’m going to take a break or try to keep reading. I would like to read it and form my own reaction to her ideas, but may need to wait until I have more brainspace. 

As for a new release/backlist rec, my preorder of Joy Harjo’s new memoir Poet Warrior just arrived on my doorstep so I’m planning to reread her memoir Crazy Brave soon. I read this back in 2012 and absolutely loved it, so I’m planning for a refresher before I read her newest! She’s one of my all-time favorite poets and poets writing memoirs is extremely My Shit.

The supply chain for books is all sorts of messed up and going to get worse. If you have a book you’re considering preordering, now is the time. My TBR at home is (mostly) good for me for now, but I just preordered Derecka Purnell’s Becoming Abolitionists: Police, Protests and the Pursuit of Freedom. I’m also looking forward to listening to her episode on The Stacks.

Some thoughts on self love

I had my Q2 performance review on Friday and my biggest takeaway was how much my confidence has taken a hit over the past year. This is both in terms of work but outside as well.

There are so many reasons for this. For a full year, all my social interactions were through a screen. As much as I love my internet friends, virtual connection allows for so much misinterpretation of tone, relationship, causing me to overthink a lot. The past few months, as it’s felt more safe to be in person, I’m trying to ensure I nurture those relationships where I can.

My body has also changed. Just as I came to terms with my pandemic body, I put on grief weight. And as much as I try to actively unlearn internalized fatphobia, it’s an ongoing journey.

And - bringing me back to my performance review - at work. I took a stretch role in conference planning in September 2019 with a lot to learn. All of that was interrupted by the pandemic. Not having clarity around in person convenings - from public health officials, from my organization’s leadership - is so challenging and I constantly feel out of my depth. My boss shared that the VP of our team told her, “No one at this organization has had to be as adaptable to the pandemic as Allison.” Hearing that recognition felt good-  but also made me realize just how hard I have been on myself when dealing with so much uncertainty.

I’ve been journaling affirmations lately (the above is an excerpt from my journal, actually) and while it feels corny, it is helping a lot. This pandemic has taken a lot from me, but I’m not going to let it take my confidence too. 

I wrote this whole section prior to reading a chapter in Belly of the Beast where Harrison talks about the politics behind Insecurity. My thoughts on this topic are emergent and I make no mistake - there are so many awful, systemic issues at play in our daily lives and self love is not going to make them better. It’s also a priority for myself that I want to get back to.

Photo credit to Bae. Any guesses on the records we bought?

Hope you enjoyed today's newsletter, friends! Let me know what you think by emailing me back.

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