Vol. 13: Reading beyond our preconceptions

Editor's note: I love newsletters that show what number volume you're reading, so I may be trying out different subject line formats in the weeks to come!

When you read, do you seek to learn new things or do you fill in your pre-existing notions? For many years I’ve touted the joy of reading to expand my mind and learn new things, but if I’m not careful, I easily fall into the latter. 

So many of the books I’ve read recently have felt in conversation with one another. I know my taste, and I read books I know I’ll like - so they have many of the same themes. I’m thinking particularly of my understanding of the way white supremacy and white people have constructed race and racism in this country throughout American history, but it also shows up in my recent reading of Mia Birdsong’s How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship and Community.

I read How We Show Up with hunger - nodding, underlining, texting friends and posting online how much it resonated. But I found myself reading it so fast that I had to pause. I didn't want to just read her work on community and connection without genuinely connecting with the text beyond my previously held beliefs. I had to put my ego aside, my preconceived notions aside, and dive in deep to what Mia was saying.

This is tricky for me - particularly in this fast paced time in my life when I’m not journaling regularly or seeing friends often, two things that help me digest my reading life beyond a brief caption on Instagram. But this has been a tension in my reading life for years. I love reading, and have so many books I want to read. Even when I attempt to pause and read a book in deep study, I find myself reading fast because I’m enjoying it.

In How We Show Up, I felt so seen but I didn’t want that to stop me from being pushed. I loved the ways Birdsong seeks to dismantle patriarchial and white supremacist understandings of relationships. Her chapter on “Queering Friendship” looks at the disproportionate emphasis American society puts on our romantic partnership. I completely resonated with her words. But I also thought: if this is something I agree with, does it show up in my day to day life?

I’ve written before about my process & stance on reading books on race & racism as a white person. The short version is, if you’re white, and think “I already knew this” or “I’ve read this before” - you’re doing it wrong, no matter how many books on race in America you may have read. Audre Lorde said, “there are no new ideas - only new ways of making ideas felt.” I still have something to discover about myself & my understanding of white supremacy in every race or social justice oriented book. I never want to forget how brutal and inhumane racism and oppression are. Layla Saad has an excellent chapter in her Me and White Supremacy workbook on the “Good White Person.” That’s the white person who thinks “I’ve arrived,” I don’t need to study racism anymore because I understand how it works. If the books blend together, if I don’t “learn anything new,” I need to change my attitude because I’m falling into the “good white person” who thinks my work is complete.

And beyond learning - when I think about my actions, about my day to day life and the ways I do or don’t interrupt racism, I have a lot of work yet to do.

What How We Show Up, in its depictions of the necessity of vulnerability, reminded me, is how easily we fall into giving advice, and how that hinders our closeness. I do it every other week in this newsletter. I love self-improvement, and I love sharing with others tips that have helped me improve my life. But I know sometimes that falls into posturing that we’ve got it all figured out. It makes it harder for us to ask questions or show where we’re falling short. 

Let me rephrase that: It makes it harder for ME to share when I’m struggling.

I guess the point of this messy, train of thought newsletter is: I read all these books and they make me think and sometimes I think I’ve got it figured out. But I don’t.

What have you not gotten figured out? Share for our forthcoming “Thoughts from the Community” newsletter here.

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